its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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