i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
