A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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