so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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