Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
