this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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