Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
