She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Do vagina's smell?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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