I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
