my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
