This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
