I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
