My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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