Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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