Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
