walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
