If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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