Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
