I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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