I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
