Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize