Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
