worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Randomize
