So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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