At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
you win again, gameday.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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