Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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