his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy