I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?