You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now