the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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