The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
then he tried to convert me to islam
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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