It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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