You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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