handjob tips. give me some.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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