I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
