Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
this is an emotional support booty call
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
