i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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