He disabled his match.com account in front of me
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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