No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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