how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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