I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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