I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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