Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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