Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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