How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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