So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. Iβm just trying to survive man
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