dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
