dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
