He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
