someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
