i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
