Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
