I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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