Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Randomize
