I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
