So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
