I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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