Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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