walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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