im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
