I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
