4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize