I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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