im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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