I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
