Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
