my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I forgot how hot balto sounded
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
i black out too much to be "responsible"
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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